Memories

Memories. Similar to dreams, but of course, based on reality. Memories are important, they shape us and make us who we are. But we can control our memories. I have many memories, but the best ones are were I was chasing a girl, or was with a girl. All other memories are gepretty crap.

For example, i have a distant memory from junoir school of sitting on a grass field watching the football. Its a really positive memory, but when I think about it I realise that I was alone. I wasn't doing anything great with my life. Its not really a great memory. What I mean by that is that we accept what we have. However, I have to ask, why was that not a memory of me sat with a girl I liked? It wasn't that because that didn't happen. As I get older I find myself more lonely and more in need of the right memories. Ho's are great for this.

Unlike girl friends, wives and all that, they make an effort and give a shit. When they toke they really toke, they make it look like they really want it, and they often do, but they showmanship the event. You end up with a great memory. I remember my first Ho. After 15 years of being humiliated and weak finally there was a girl doing what apparently, no sane human would do. She was toking on my dick, and she was really going for it. She was saying, your dicks so hard baby, give it to me, I love sucking on your dick, I want to make you cum. She was saying all that, and I couldn't believe it. I remember it even until today. What she did was blow away all the pain from not having that, she gave me something that I could use to defend myself with forever more.

And these memories really count. They make the dark times of being alone easier. They arn't full proof, but they help. For example. I was in the pub on my own, I have no friends, and feeling really crap, the place was full of couples, and I was fiddling with my mobile phone and I realised I had a video of a Ho blowing my off. I took it on the spur of the moment, she was OK about it as long as her face couldn't be seen. In fact she really seemed to enjoy the fact I had done it. She was saying, I blow you better than all the other girls!!! She even wanted some of my mouth freshener and wanted to kiss me on the lips which I thought was really odd. But most of all she really seemed to like me. And when I saw that video when I was sat there feeling sad, I felt so great. Suddenly i felt like nothing could touch me. Its a physchological difference based on a memory that is all the difference. Its everything.

But its not just the memory of the sexual act, its the incidental, the person. I think about the Ho's when I do my shopping. They are with me like gods. I see them in the street, visions of them. I have flash backs, I can see them dressing, see them giving to me, taking, just being involved with my life. Its all there in my head. I can see them getting old and i can see their glory. I still remember driving through Las Vegas with my first Ho. The city lights of the Strip. Going to buy some cigerattes. I remember it all and without all that my life and memories are pretty barren. Theres very little I actually look back on fondly.

And each time I go to the RLD I am creating a memory of me going there, a memory of me on the plane flying over the offshore wind farm, on my way to pussy heaven. Its the difference between two memories of me sat on a plane, one going nowhere, to a holiday on my own, and the other going to a Ho. They are both memories of me on a plane but one is crap because the background of the situation was rubbish, I wasn't doing anything. Its not the getting to the great tourist destination, its who you get there with. I gave up travelling when I was 23 when I realised that all I was doing was standing in line for one train ticket after another. The fact that I was doing it in Europe, America or the Far East was irrelevent, i was just sitting on trains on my own. So I started to focus on doing things that involved what I wanted, girls. With little success, but I was getting there, starting to realise, even though I didn't know it.

I'm waffling, but the bottom line is that memories are important, and they are powerful ways to defend yourself from depression and sadness, so the right memories are important, and I can get these from Ho's, as well as sex.